मिलन

भित्तेपात्रोमा माघ महिनाको पाना पल्टीसकेको थियो। मौसम चिसो भएपनि आज बिहानदेखीनै घामका किरणहरु बादललाई छल्दै सहरलाई घमाइलो बनाइरहेको थियो। न्यानो ज्याकेट लगाएर, म आफ्नो गन्तब्य तिर लागे। अफिस र स्कूलको समय भएकोले सडक भीडभाड नै थियो। यसैपनि विगत २/४ वर्षदेखी बुटवलका बाटोहरुले चैनको सास फेर्न पाएका छैनन्। चौपारीलाई देब्रे पार्दै घुमेर म तीनकुने तर्फ बढिरहे। बाटो अहिलेको जस्तो फराकिलो थिएन। शिव मन्दिरको पुल पनि पुरानो अनी सानो नै थियो, खोला सफा थियो। म अगाडि बढिरहे, दिन घमाइलो भएपनि चिसो हावाले जाकेटभित्र छिर्नकालागि गरी रहेको संघर्ष स्पष्ट महसुस भइरहेको थियो। तीनकुने चोक हुँदै मिलनचोक पुगिसक्दा, मिलनचोकको बडेमानको रुखले दिएको सितल अनुभवलाई त्यो बाटो भएर हिँडेको हर कोहीलाई आज पनि मानस पाटालमा ताजै हुनपर्छ। अहिलेको फराकिलो बाटोले विकास त भएको छ, केही हद सम्म भएपनि भिडभाड सम्हालेको छ, तर त्यो रुखमुनि बसेर थकित मनलाई दिएको सितलता, प्रेमील कहानीहरुलाई पूर्णता दिएको कुरा अब सुन्न भने पाइने थिएन। यसैपनि केही पाउनको लागि केही गुमाउनुनै पर्ने हुन्छ भन्ने कुराको आभास हुन्थ्यो त्यहाँ पुग्दा। अगाडि बढ्दै म नयाँ बसपार्क हुदै भुड्की चौक पुगेर दाहिने मोडिदै थिए, बतास जस्तै हुत्तिएर आएको गाडीले झण्डै छोएन। एक्छिन रोकिएर म सीधा बैंकमा पुगे। खासमा मलाई आफ्नो इन्स्योरेन्सको प्रिमियम बुझाउनु पर्ने थियो। प्रविधिले फड्को मारिसकेको भएपनि सबैकुरामा पहुंच पुगेको भने थिएन। पैसा बुझाइ सकेर भौचर लिँदै गर्दा मेरो नजर एउटा अनुहारमा पर्यो, जुन बादलको दिनमा घामजस्तै थियो, आँखा अनमोल रत्नजस्तै चम्किरहेका थिए, र उनको मुस्कान यति रमाइलो थियो कि यसले मलाई एक्छिन गम खाएर मुस्कुराउन बाध्य तुल्यायो। जब उनी मुस्कुराएकी थिइन्, सारा संसार उज्यालो झैँ भयो । त्यो कामको व्यस्तामा , उनी वास्तवमै विशेष व्यक्तिको रूपमा उभिइन्। एक्छिन टक्क अडिए, अनि आवाज आयो सर हजुरको भौचर लिनुहोस है। ओहो, अगिको उज्यालो मुहारको आवाज पनि सरल र मिठासले भरिपूर्ण रहेछ भन्दै म आफ्नो भौचर लिएर घर तर्फ लागे। बाटो उही, परिवेश उही, चिसो उही अनि घामको घमाइलो पनि उही तर पनि मनमा नयाँ उमङ्ग आए जस्तो आभास भएको थिए। घर पुगी खाना खाई सकेर एक्छिन विश्राम गरे। आज अफिस पनी बिदा लिएकोले खासै अरु केही विशेष काम थिएन। एक्छिन पछि साथीहरूलाई सम्पर्क गरी कतै भेट्ने निधो गरे। हामी ३:३० तिर तल्लो सिद्धबाबा मन्दिरमा भेट्ने भनेर कुरो सक्यौ। घडीमा भर्खर १ बज्दै थियो। घरमा एक्लै भएकोले साढे दुई घण्टाको समय बिताउनु पट्यार लाग्दो हुने नै भयो। समय बेतित गर्नको लागि टीभी अन गरेर सोफा मा बसेर सोनी म्याक्स च्यानल लगाए। कुनै साउथ फ्लिम चलिरहेको थियो। कोठाको सबै पर्दाहरु बन्द गरे अनि ढोका पनि, लगभग बाहिरको उज्यालो छिर्ने सबै चिजहरु सम्भव भएसम्म बन्द गरे अनि वोफरमा बास बढाउँदै फ्लिम हेरेर बसिरहे। एक्छिन पछि साथीको कल आएपछि म समय भन्दा पहिलानै तल्लो सिद्धबाबा पुगे र केही समयमा सबै साथी हरु आइसकेसी हामी केही बेर गफियौ र छुट्टियौं। आजको दिन यसै बितिसकेको थियो। साँझ खाना बनाई, खाई उरी, भाडा सफा गरेर विस्तारमा पल्टेर मोबाइल चलाइरहेको म कति बेला निदायेछु पत्तै भएन। बिहानको ८ बजी सकेको रहेछ, आज अलि ढिलो उठिएछ। हतार हतार फ्रेश भएर अफिसको लागि रेडी भएर निस्के। त्यस दिन अफिसमा खासै कामको चाप थिएन। दिन राम्रै बित्यो। साँझ घर आउने क्रममा कलिकानगर चोकमा फेरि हिजोको अनुहारलाई देखे, ऊनी बाटो काटेर सबवेमा जाँदै थिइन्। हाइवे छोडेर, सबवे लागे पछि पक्कै पनि यिनको बसाई बुटवल आस पासनै होला भन्ने आकलन भयो। उनी आफ्नो बाटो लागिन् । मनमा उनी सँग बोलौ भन्ने त लागेको थियो तर सीधै बाटोमा पहिला कहीं नबोलेको, अज भनौं नचिनेको मान्छेलाई रोक्नु सोभाभिक नहुने भएकोले म आफ्नो घर तर्फ लागे। दिनहरू यस बित्दै थिए। मलाई भने उसको अनुहार दिमागमा घरी घरी ना चे जस्तो भान भइरहेको थियो। बेला बेलामा सम्झना आइरहने। केही दिन पछि अफिस बाट सीधै म ट्राफिक चोकको लस्सी सेन्टर मा पुगे। यसै पनि लस्सी खाना नगको धेरै भएको र साथीहरू पनि भेट्न हुन्छ भनेर म त्यहाँ पुगेको थिएँ। हामी लस्सी खादै गर्दा उही अनुहार मैले अर्को कुनपट्टी देखे। रातो टिसर्ट र फुस्रो नीलो जिन्समा आज पनि उनी बिछट्टै राम्री देखिएकी थिइन्। आज भने मैले उनी सँग बोल्ने निर्यन मन मनै गरेको थिए। म यस्तै सोचमा मस्त हुँदा साथी हरुबाट हरायेछु, एकजनाले थाहा पाएछ अनी "के हो हम्..... " भन्दै जिस्कायो। मैले केही पनि हैन भन्दै टारीदिए। हाम्रो त्यस ठाउँको बसाई सकेर म पैसा बुझाउन लागि लस्सी पसल अगाडि पुग्दा उनी पनि उही पुगेकी रहिछिन। मैले उनी सँग बोल्ने बहाना खोज्दै गर्दा उनी आफैले "हाई" भनिन्। मलाई भने ढुङ्गा खोज्दा देउता मिलेको आभास भइरहेको थियो। फेरि उनैले, "हजुरको प्रिमियम त्यो दिन सिस्टम गडबडीले गर्दा तेस्रो दिन मात्रै गएको थियो, केहि समस्या त भयन नी है"भनिन्। उनेल त्यति भनी सक्दा मलाई बल्ल मोबाइलमा प्रिमियम बुझाएको मेसेज किन नआएको रहेछ भन्ने कुराको ज्ञान भयो। मैले "छैन केही समस्या भएन" भनेर जवाफ दिए। म भने मन मनै, उनीलाई पनि त्यतिका भीडमा मा सँगको केही समयको एकोहोरो संवाद याद रहेको कुराले गद गद बनाइरहेको थियो। पछि म आफैले, "तिमी यतै बस्छौ हो" भनेर सोधी हाले र उनीले पनि सहजै उत्तर मा "हजुर म कलीकानगरमा बस्छु" भनिन्। त्यसपछि खासै बोल्ने कुरा नै भएन अनी उनीले "म जान्छु है" भन्दै रिक्सा रोकाउन लागिन्। म छोडदिन्छु हिड जाऊ भन्दा अलि गाह्रो माने जस्तो लागेर मैले जबर्जस्ती गरिन। अनि हामी आफ्नो आफ्नो बाटो तर्फ लाग्यौ। उनी सँग बोल्नु त धेरै मन थियो, सबै कुरो बुझ्न मन थियो तर पहिलो भेटमै सबै कुरा गर्नु उचित नलागेर त्यतिकै छुट्टिए। उनलाई पनि म याद रहेकोले मेरो मनमा अनेक कुराहरु खेल्न थालेको थियो। मैले मन मनै उनीलाई मनकी रानी बनाएको थिए। अब चाहिँ साँच्चै नै उनको अनुहार मेरो अगाडि न नाचिरहेको थियौ। उनको मृदु भाषी स्वर मेरो कानमा गुन्जी रहेको थियो। लागि रहेको थिए कि मैले संसार प्राप्त गरिसकेको थिएँ। केही समय पछि यती धेरै भावनामा बग्नु उचित नहुने ठानेर मैले आफैलाई सम्हाले। यसै पनि अफिसले गर्दा खासै फुर्सद नमिल्ने, हुने बिदाहरुमा पनि अनेक आफ्नै कामले गर्दा फुर्सदिलो भने भैदैनथियो। समयले आफ्नो दिन हरु बिताउँदै थियो, मौसम झन् चिसो हुदै गएको थियो। फेरि तराईको चिसो, हुस्सु, कुहिरोले कहिले त ४/५ दिन सम्म पनि घाम देख्न पाइँदैनथ्यो। आज एक्लै म फेरि उही ट्राफिकचोकको लस्सी स्टपमा पुगेको थिएँ। हुन पनि त्यो ठाउँको लस्सी र कफी नेपाल भरी मै प्रख्यात थियो। नेपालका राष्ट्रिय पत्रिकाले सम्म स्थान दिएको ठाउँ थियो। ठिक्क साँझ बाट सुरु हुने सो लस्सी र कफी सप हरु राति ११/१२ बजे सम्म चल्ने गर्थे। म सधैं जसो जाने ठाउँमा गएर कफी ल्याइदिनु है भनेर पर पेटीमा बसे। मौसम चिसो नै भएकोले पेटीमा सानो पी फोमको टुक्रा राखेर बस्दै गर्दा कुकरमा कफीले सिठी लगाउँदै थियो। सिठीबाट निस्केको बाफमा आज फेरि उसैको दर्शन पाइयो। आज उनी आफ्नो साथी सँगै थिइन्। उनी पनि कफी मागाउँदै म तिर आई बसिन्। "ओहो सञ्चै हुनुहुन्छ" भन्दै उनैले कुराको सुरुवात गरेकोले मलाई उनी सँग बोल्नु सजिलो भयो। उनको साथी पनि मिजसिली रहिछिन। दुब्ली, सर्लक्क परेको कपाल अनी वेस्टर्न अटाएरमा सजिएकी उनी आफ्नी साथी भन्दा कम भने थिनन्। यत्तिकैमा हाम्रो सामु कफी आइसकेको थियो। त्यो चिसो मौसममा तातो कफीको चुस्कीले शरीरलाई एक किसिमको न्यानो पन दिएको थियो। हामी कफी खादै गर्दा, एक अर्का बारे बुझ्ने जमर्को गरी नै रह्यौ। खास गरी उनको नाम, बसाई, पेसा र अन्य धेरै कुराहरूको एक अर्कामा साट साट गर्दै थियौ, यत्तिकैमा कफी सकी सकेको पत्तै भएन। साँझ परिसकेकोले हामी छुट्टिने क्रममा उनी आज पनि रिक्सा रोक्न खोज्दै थिइन्। आज भने उनकी साथीले "उसैसँगै बाइकमा जा न, बाटो एउटै रहीछ" भन्दै कर गरेपछि उनले नकार्न सकिनन्। मैले मन मनै उनकी साथीलाई धन्यवाद दिँदै, फेरि भेटौला है भनेर छुटिए। उनले पनि जवाफमा "अब त भेट भैहाल्छ नि" भन्दै आफ्नो बाटो लागिन्। साँझको समय भएकोले चिसो बढी सकेको थियो। म भने सधा जसो एउटै रफ्तारमा बाइक कुदाउँदै पुस्पलाल पार्क पुग्दै गर्दा उनले "अलि बिस्तारै चिसो भयो" भन्दै धाप मारीन। कुराकानीमा संलग्न हुँदै हस्पिटल लाईन, नयाँ बस पार्क, मिलनचोक, चौराहा, कालिका चोक पुग्यौं। हामी व्यस्त सडकमा गुडि रह्यौ, किस्साहरू आदानप्रदान गर्दै र हाँसोहरु साझा गर्दै। कालिका चोक पुग्दै गर्दा "मलाई यही छोडदिनु है मा हिँडेर जान्छु" भनिन्। तर मैले उनको कुरोलाई अटेरी गर्दै उनलाई उनकै घर सम्म पुर्याइदिए। फर्किने क्रममा फोन नम्बर साट साट गरी त्यस दिनको लागि छुट्टियौं। उनको मन भित्रको सोच थाहा नभएपनि मैले भने धेरै कुरा सोच सकेको थिए। म ऊनी सँग त्यो पल छुट्टिए पनि त्यो क्षण हाम्रो मिलन र नयाँ जीवनको सुरुवात काे क्षण बनाउने कुरामा विश्वस्त थिए। अनेक सपनाहरु बुन्दै म घर पुगेर फटाफट चाउचाउ बनाई खाएर सुते। कार्यालय जीवनको भीडभाडको बीचमा, उनको सम्झनाहरुले मेरो दिनहरूलाई ऊर्जामा परिणत गर्‍यो, मेरो दिनचर्यालाई जादूको स्पर्शले भरिदियो। हाम्रो भेटघाटको लगभग एक हप्ता पछि, मैले फेसबुकमा मित्रताको अनुरोध गर्दै उनको नम्बरमा मित्रता स्वीकार गर्न सन्देश पठाए। लगभग एक घण्टा पछि, उनले स्वीकार गरिन्। एक साधारण हाई हेल्लोकाे साथ, हाम्रो कुराकानी सुरु भयो। त्यसपछि हामी दिनहुँ गफिन थाल्यौ एक अर्कालाई बुझ्ने कोसिस गर्दै। जति दिनहरू बित्दै गए, हाम्रा कुराकानीहरू अफिसका किस्साहरू, खाना, संगीतको बारे हुदै गए। चुपचाप हामीले सोचेको भन्दा मित्रतालाई एक कदम अगाडि बुन्दै। प्रत्येक बित्दै गएको दिनसँगै, हाम्रो सम्बन्ध गहिरो हुँदै गयो, अनजानबाट हामीलाई नजिक लैजाँदै। बोलचाल बिनाको एक दिन पनि कल्पना गर्न नसकिने अवस्थामा पुगेको हामी आफैलाई पत्तो भएको थिएन। पन्ध्र-बीस दिनको क्षणिक अवधिमा, हामी बीच घनिष्ठता बढ्यो। हाम्रो कुराकानीको बीचमा, मैले आगामी शनिबार बानबाटिकामा भेट्न प्रस्ताव राखे। सुरुमा, उनले प्रस्ताव अस्वीकार गरिन्। तर, केही क्षण पछि उनको सन्देश आयो, "छोटो समायकोलगी भेटौला नी त है"। उनको निर्णयको अचानक परिवर्तनले मलाई छोयो। कौतुहलता, उनको प्रारम्भिक अनिच्छा के हुन सक्छ भनेर सोच्दै। तर मैले उसको अनिच्छाबारे जान्नै कोसिस गरिन्।

ड्रिम्स

जीवन सधैं उस्तै नहुदो रहिछ। हिजो चालेका ति पाइलाहरु आज सगै चाल्न पाएको भए साँच्चै जिवनमा कती उल्लाहास आउथियो होला जस्तो सोचेर कहिले कही पुरै रातहरु सोच्मन्य भएर बितेको बिहानिको सुनौलो घाम को किराणाले थाहा दिदा मन नै खिन्न भएर आउछ । तर अखिर के नै गर्न सकिदो रहिछ र, ति पल सम्जिनु बाहेक । तर जिवन सधै निराश मा सक्नपनी नहुने, अनि खुशी हुने धेरै बाहानाहरु खोज्दा खोज्दै कहिले कहाँ रुमलियो कहिले कहाँ, कहिले अचम्म मान्यो, कहिले निराश्, अनि कहिले उर्जवानपनी । समय सगै यादहरुपनी धमिलिदै जादो रहिछ ।अनी कहिले कही एकान्त पाउदा ति धमिलिन खोजेका याद हरुलाई खोल्तछु । अनि सबै याद्का टुक्राहरु जोड्दै अफैमा रमाउछु र सधै भित्र भित्र रोईरहेको मनलाई धित मरुन्जेल आखाँ बाट छताछुल्ल हुन दिन्छु । एकछिन त मन हल्का भए जस्तै भान हुन्छ तर त्यो र केवल एउटा भ्रम थियो । समय धेरै बिती सकेको भए पनि त्यो अनामनगर हुँदै रामशाह पथ को बाटो, बानेश्वोर रामेश्वोर मिठाई पसलकाे दाहिने बाट भित्र गएको त्यो घुमौरो गल्लि, दक्षिणकाली को उकालो, भक्त्पुर को साङा, याद सबै छन तर अधुरा । हुन त बितेक ति पल अब फर्किन्नन बस ति यादहरु नमेटिउन । यस्तै यस्तै याद हरु खोतल्दै जाँदा बाटोमा अनेक मान्छेहरू ठोकिन्छन्, कोई हाँस्छन्, कोई ठुस्किन्छन् त कोई रिसाउँछन्। तैपनि सबलाई हाँसेरै टार्छु। कोसिस गर्छु मेरो कारण उसको दिन नबिग्रियोस्, मेरो कारण उसको अरु प्रतिको स्वभाव परिवर्तन नहोस्। यस्तै गर्दा गर्दै जिन्दगीका आधा हरफहरू सकिन थाले। खुसी हुने कारणहरु अनेक खोज्छु। सधैं अरूलाई खुसी बनाउने प्रयत्न गर्दा गर्दै आफू खुसी हुने दिन सम्झिन मन लाग्छ, एक्छिन घोतलिन्छु, सोच्छु। जति नै गम खाए पनि आफू खुसी भएको दिन निरक्योल गर्न नसकेको देख्दा आखिर जिन्दगीकाे बोझ लागेर कतै भारी बिसाउने ठाउँ पाए पनि हलुका हुन्थ्यो कि जस्तो लागेर आउँछ। जिन्दगीका धारहरु परिवर्तन हुँदै जाने रहेछन। ओहो आज त मिटिङमापो जानु छ, झस्स सम्झिन्छु, हतार हतार नारायणघाट देखि जनकपुर जान हिँडेको गाडी रोक्न पुग्छु अनि सौराहा चोक सम्म लगिदिन आग्रह गर्दै यात्रा सुरु गर्छु। करिब करिब १३ किलोमीटर काे यात्रा पछि ओर्लिएर जादै गर्दा गाडीको सहचालकले बोलाएको देख्दा अच्चम मान्दै के भयो दाई भन्दै सोध्न मात्रै लागेको के थिए "भाडा दिन पर्दैन भन्दै झरकियो"। कति हुस्सु म, कल्पनामा रमाउँदा रमाउँदै भाडा नदी ओर्लिए छु। मुसुक्क हाँस्दै ५० रुपियाँ दिएर नरिसाउनु है हजुर भनेर म फेरि टेम्पो खोज्न तिर लागे। येसो घडी हेरेको त १० बज्न २० मिनेट मात्रै बाँकी रहिछ। धन्न हिँड्नै लागेको टेम्पो रहिछ समयमै मीटिंग अटेन्ड गर्न सक्छु भन्ने लाग्यो। अनि फेरि अगी जस्तै भाडा दिन भुलुला भनेर १०० रुपियाँ चढ्न साथ नै दिए। लगभग १५ मिनेट जातिमा देबौली, अमृतचोक, चित्रसरी पुल हुँदै मेरो मीटिंग तय भएको ठाउँ बछयौली आइपुगेछ। टेम्पो बाट ओर्लिए र आफ्नो गन्तव्य तिर हिँडिरहे। अचम्म लाग्यो, अहिले सम्म जान मन भएर पनि समय नमिलेको ठाउँ जनकपुर; भगवान राम सीताको बिहे भएको पावन स्थल; जानकी मन्दिर, अज सधैं पानीमा डूबिरहने महादेवको मूर्ति भएको ठाउँ, जलेश्वर मनमा घुमिरहे, कारण मात्र त्यो बस जसमा मात्रै १३ किलोमीटर यात्रा गरेको थिएँ। जिन्दगी पनि कस्तो है, कहा जाने मान्छे, कुनै पूर्व सूचना बिना आफ्नो रहर पूरा गर्न आए जस्तो टुपुक्क आइपुग्छ नत्र जनकपुरको साटो मलाई इटहरी, धरान, झापा, इलाम वा मेची सम्मै पुग्ने बस मिल्नु पर्ने नी तर अहँ मिलेन त्यो। त्यसैले कहिले काही आफूले सोच्यो भने मनै मनमा पनि घुम्न पाइन्छ भनेर स्वर्गवास हुनु भएका पूजनीय हजुरबुवा लाई सम्झिन्छु र आकाश तिर हेर्दै नमस्कार गर्छु। यो सब क्रियाकलाप सँगै हिँडेको बटुवाले नियाली रहँदा मलाई ट्वाल्ल हेर्दै मेरो बाटो काटेर गयो। मैले पनि उसलाई वास्ता नगरी अगी बढे। कोरोनाले पुरै व्यापार लगभग धरासायी नै बनिसके पछि बल्ल अलि अलि तंग्रिन लागेको हस्पिटालिटि सेक्टरमा म आवद्ध थिए। जीवन शैली सामान्य जस्तै फर्किन लागेको देख्दा खुसी लाग्थ्यो तर साथै सरकारले हामी लगानीकर्तालाई हेर्ने दृष्टकोणमा नल्याएको परिवर्तन देख्दा मन खिन्न पनि हुन्थ्यो। अवस्था सामान्य हुँदै गए पनी आन्तरिक र बाह्य पर्यटकहरुको आगमन खासै बढेको थिएन र यही बेला एकजना मेरा विदेशी मित्रले जुराइदिनु भएको त्यो मीटिंग मेरा लागि एकदम खास थियो। वहाँहरु १७ जनाको टोली बनाएर नेपालमा लगभग २० दिन जति छुट्टी मनाउन आउनु भएको रहिछ। ती मित्र, जो सँग मेरो पहिलो भेट मेरै होटल, होटल द ड्रिम्समा भएको थियो करिब ४ वर्ष अगी जति। आफू धेरै कल्पनामा हराउने भएकोले होटलको नाम पनि ड्रिम्स नै राखेको थिए मैले। त्यो दिन म मेरो एकदम मिल्ने साथी सँगै बसेर रेष्ट्रो लाउन्जमा व्हिस्की खादै गफिदै थियौ, अचानक एकजना अधबैँसे विदेशी सुक्क सुक्क गर्दै रोएको आवाजले हामी दुवै जनालाई तान्यो र म ऊ तर्फ लागे। सुरुमा उसको निजी जीवनमा घोच पेच दिनु उचित हुँदैन कि ठानेर अड्किए तर पछि सोचे, विचारा आफ्नो देशबाट हाम्रो देशमा पाहुना हुँदै गर्दा रुनै पर्ने गरी आइलागेको समस्याको मैले यकिन गर्नै पर्छ। नजिकै गएर मलिन आवाजमा " I'm sorry, Anything wrong" भनेर सोधे, उसले खाली "No, Thank you" भनेर जवाफ फर्कायो। उँ खास खुल्न नचाहे पछि मैले पनि धेरै खोजी निधि नगरी "Take Care, Have a good day" भन्दै निस्किए। साथी संग पुग्दै गर्दा, "के भएको रहिछ कुहिरेलाई" भनेर सोध्यो र मैले "खोइ केही भनेन" भनेर भनिदिए र यतिकैमा साथीको फोन आएर निस्कियो। साँझको समय थियो, प्रायः सधैं जसो होटलमा बारबेक्यू भै रहन्थ्यो। म एउटा ग्रुप सँगै बसिरहेको थिए। एकछिनपछि दिउँसो लाउन्ज मा भेटिएको विदेशी "Can I join you guys" भन्दै आयो र मैले पनि पाहुनालाई नाई भन्नु हुँदैन भनेर " Why not? For sure" भनेर उसलाई कुर्सी तानेर दिए।

Buddha Jayanti Special

[Read in Nepali]

The activity has been a bit more since morning. Even so, owning one is still beyond the reach of the average person. Even the phone bought as smart seems to be lazy today because the car did not sound the alarm. Instead of abusing me, I thanked him and looked at the time. It was already 8:30. Ekman thought, "Mobile is really smart," but he didn't bother to say goodbye. He opened the window curtain and looked at it, giving a sweet touch and the sun also signaled "Get up now". As I obeyed, I obeyed his gesture and got up to freshen up. After bathing and washing, I felt the holy land where Lord Buddha was born. There were people all along the way. As usual, people were walking on the deserted roads and the same crowd was in the restaurants. Yes, today was the tenth anniversary of the businessmen here. When I really saw this activity, I was terrified of the birthplace of the Buddha. People were walking around talking about various things. Some had more exposure to the sun, some had less crowds of people, some had more dust on the road and some had more time. Moving forward, there were people of all kinds, young and old. Everyone had a different passion. Probably a factor as to why they're doing so poorly. I said to myself, "Those who have taken the responsibility to build our country have the same passion, but unfortunately we Nepalis, where can we find such a leader?" Instead, it was okay to treat them with the taxes paid by the people through hard earned money. Seeing his habit of drowning in fantasies, sometimes he would get angry with himself, but he could not restrain himself. At that moment, he remembered the Buddha's words and moved on, killing his anger. The organization I worked for had a water distribution program today, and without delay, it went straight. Everyone seems to be reaching out. The program had already started. I also joined. Although the weather was cool in the morning, he was a little chaotic in the afternoon. Perhaps the Buddha's message had not reached his ears. Just then a crowd came, that was the water everyone was looking for that summer, gave water to everyone and went inside with "thank you" and "smile". This sequence continued. I was happy to do such a good deed. That round face, matched body and her looking lovely look fell on my eyes. For a moment, he and I looked at each other. Perhaps he was also tormented by the heat. He stood in front of me, smiled lightly and asked, "Drink water." He nodded and I gave him water. He was really thirsty, drinking a whole bottle of water. Frightened like a tired face, she sat in a chair beside him. I was busy giving water to other people. After about 15 minutes, he turned around and stayed there. He smiled too and so did I. I think the easiest and most understood language in the world is to smile. Many things came to my mind because he was sitting there like that. Suddenly he said "Excuse Me" and I turned to him saying "Yes Please". 

He also likes to share water. He said, "If you don't mind, May I help you." She agreed. I was touched by her words and her feelings. While distributing water, he asked me my name. At that moment, her friends came and went to Mayadevi saying, "I'm going, have a good day." When he got a little farther, he finally remembered, "I forgot to ask his name." He abused himself again. Many things were playing in my mind. Her words were ringing in my ears. But I had no means of meeting him again. Depressed, he walked towards the room. After resting for a while, Mayadevi went for a walk in the evening. The decoration there did not touch my heart. The decoration of such a sacred place on the World Heritage List was very dull. It seems that the decoration of today's party palace is better than this. However, I took a few photos on this auspicious occasion. It was hoped that he would be found somewhere. But perhaps she had returned, not to be found. I was also in the evening so I returned to the room. Watch TV for a while but she was out of my mind, I still had no choice and I forgot to meet her as a sweet memory.

About half an hour later, when I opened Facebook, the sound of notifications suddenly flooded my mind. Even so, I rarely receive friend requests. That evening, a new request came to my Facebook. Look, the request is his. Her profile picture adorned in that one piece is as beautiful as the sky that has just rained. Today, I can't describe the love of that Facebook's accept button, I hastily accepted it. But he was not able to speak in the West yet, so he wrote "Thank You" with "Hi" and waited for his reply.

Memories that will never fade, Kushe Aushi

[Note: This is the englsih version of Kush Aushi, Click to read in Nepali ] 

  The tide inside the mind rises. Somehow this mind that has been held is not obeying, no, it is not obeying. The sweetness of that voice is still echoing in these ears like the sound echoing in the hills. It feels as if the same voice is calling to me. I look around for a moment, tremble, look around, look for that face, no, I can't find it anywhere, and every page that says, "If you search, you'll find a god." I like to tear every sheet of writing, I want to break the printing machine and I want to spill the ink. Yes, when you lose a loved one, your mind doesn't believe it, even if you know you won't find it, you are looking for it, every day, every moment there is hope. For a month, my eyes water, and with one hand, I wipe my eyes. When the sky shines, the body of a person gets wet, but when the eyes shine, the whole mind is wet. The wet head is covered in an instant, but the wet mind is not covered. No matter how hard I tried, it was getting cold somewhere. The same cold is always hurting my heart, reminding me. Today I am reaching that past. That moment, where I was happiest, it was warm love, it was a feeling of belonging and it was a never ending love. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like Al that sounds crap to me, Looks like Al that sounds crap to me, Looks like Al that sounds crap to me, Looks like Al that sounds crap to me. With that warmth, I never felt lonely, nor did I miss anything. I just had to think that all my desires would be fulfilled like magic. No, I can't describe that love, no matter how depressing the moment, it made me happy even if it was just a shadow. But it has been 13 years since I left her, there is not a single day in these past years when I have fallen in love with her. Still, I am holding my mind and I am compelled to spend the rest of my life with the feeling of being together. Even though I know that I will not return, there is always a faint hope in my mind that when I hear "Son I have come" and I can get rid of all the flow of my heart.

कहिल्यै नमेटिने सम्झना, कुशे औशिँ

#कहिल्यै_नमेटिने_सम्झना #कुशे_औशिँ मन भित्रको ज्वारभाटा उर्लेर आँउछ। कसैगरि थामेको यो मन मान्दै मान्दैन, अहँ, मान्दै मान्दैन। त्यो स्वरको मिठास अजैपनि यि कानमा गुन्जिरहेछ जसरि अग्ला पहाडका डाडाँहरुमा आवज गुन्जिरहन्छन्। कता कता त्यहि स्वरले मलाई पुकारे जस्तो भान हुन्छ। एकछिन टोलाउछु, झस्किनछु, यता उती हेर्छु, त्यो अनुहार खोज्छु, अहँ, कहिँ कतै पाउदिन अनि "खोज्यो भने देवता त भेटिन्छ" लेखेका हरेक पाना च्यातन मन लाग्छ, छाप्ने त्यो मेसिन फुटाईदिउँ लाग्छ र त्यो मसिलाई बगाईदिउ लाग्छ। हो जब प्यारो मान्छे गुमाएपछि मनले मान्दैन रहेछ, नपाउने थाहा भए पनि खोजिरहदो रहेछ, हरेक दिन, हरेक पल आशा भैरहदो रहेछ। एकतमासले आँखा रसाउछ, एक हातले ति दर्केका आँखा पुस्छु। आकाश दर्किदाँ मान्छेको शरिर भिज्छ, तर जब आखाँ दर्किन्छ पुरै मन भिज्दो रहेछ। भिजेको शिरर त एकैछिनमा ओभाउछँ तर भिजेको मन ओभाउदो रहेनछ। जति नै कोसिस गरिरहुँ कतै न कतै चिसो रहिरहदोँ रहेछ। त्यही चिसोले सधै मन दूखाउदो रहेछ, सम्झना दिलाईरहदो रहेछ। आज म त्यो भुतकालमा पुगिरहेको छु। त्यो पल, जहाँ म सँग खुसी नै खुसी थिए, त्यो न्यानो माया थियो, त्यो आफ्नोपनको आभास थियो अनि कहिल्यै नसकिने माया थियो। हो आजपनि म त्यही आवाज खोज्छु जसले मलाई हरेक बिहान उठाउने गर्थ्यो, जिवन जिउने आशा देखाउथ्यो, मेरा हरेक गल्तिहरुलाई सच्चाईदिन्थ्यो, अनि हरेका पाईलाहरूमा प्रेरणा दिन्थ्यो। त्यहि न्यानो साथले मलाई कहिले एक्लोपनको आभाषसम्म भएन न कहिले मलाई केहि कुराको कमि महसुस भयो। बस मैले सोच्नु पर्थ्यो जादु जस्तै मेरा सारा ईच्छाहरू पुरा भैदिन्थे। अहँ त्यो माया मैले बयान गर्नै सक्दिन, जतिनै निरास पल किन नहोस मलाई त्यही एउटा छायाँमात्रै भएपनि खुसी दिन्थ्यो। तर त्यो साथ छुटेको आज १३ बर्ष भईसकेछ, बितेका यी बर्षकालमा कुनै यस्तो दिन छैन जुन पल मलाई त्यो न्यानो माया र साथ खड्किएको। तै पनि मनलाई सम्हालिरहेको छु र सगै भएको आभासले बाँकी जिन्दगी काट्न बाध्य छु। नफर्किने थाहा हुँदाहुँदै पनि मनमा एउटा झिनो आसले जहिले डेरा गरेर बसेको छ कि कहिले "छोरा म आए" भनेर सुन्न पाउछु र मनका सारा बह फुकाउन पाउछु।

Looking for answer (Part 2)

Looking for answer 

(Part 2)

[Note: Please be noted that, this is just the English version of the post that I wrote in my mother tongue. Please click here to read in the Nepali language.]

Only two days later, Ashish's message came, "Hello brother, and I am sorry for the day before yesterday".  I easily accepted his apologies.  He had already read what I had posted, he said, "Thank you very much, brother. When I read what you wrote, I felt that my Drishti was with me. Thank you very much, brother."  Without saying much, I asked straight away, "And why did your girlfriend had to go to MakhkhanStreet?"  For a moment, I thought, "How selfish I have become that I didn’t even ask about his health" But he kept saying about everything, walking around the MakhkhanStreet, having lunch, and taking her to the room and saying goodbye.

He started by saying:

Yes, my mind was also distracted by the fact that she was walking around with me. One way my mind was saying, "Yes, Ashish, Drishti also likes you, otherwise why did she offer to hang out with you on the first date"?  When my heart comforted me, it gave me the impression that she was mine, at the same time it made me think on a dual aspect and set my whole dream on fire.  Still, I would take care of myself, abuse my own mind, and think about her. While we were going over the sky bridge of Jamal, her shoes got stuck on the stairs. As she was about to fell, she grabbed me by the hand, and immediately leaving her hand, she said, "I'm sorry Ashish." Somehow that sorry had hurt my mind and inner me.  But my name, which was uttered from her mouth, gave me more coolness than that "sorry" and also a feeling of belongingness.  I was overwhelmed.  "Did you get hurt?" I asked.  She also smiled and said "If you weren’t here I would be hurt, maybe".  "Just say yes, I will support you for the rest of my life and I will be a balm for every injury" said to my soul but couldn’t express it to her so I just smiled. In a while, we went to IndraChowk and I asked her if she likes lassi. Suddenly, she became excited and said “Wow, Lassi… it's my favorite let's have it.” We drank two glasses of lassi. Every time she and I talked, I had a different kind of joy. I thought God made her for me. Then we moved toward Bishal Bazaar. There were a lot of people walking on the road: no one cared, everyone was in a hurry, and they seemed to be chased by death. In the same crowd there were some youths as well. While we were just passing by, one of the youths said in a flirty tone "Oi, what a beautiful girl aight.” Actually yes, my Drishti is really beautiful. But I was getting more angry than happy, but then I thought it was better to run away than to get in a fight with them.  She felt a little embarrassed, she started walking fast. I hated such people and their behavior. I was embarrassed even in that civilized place as it is the capital city of my country. I thought about the news of many girls being sold every day and all the violence against women. I thought about the guy who behaved insignificantly and lowly. I said to myself “How cheap sons are born in my mother country? I felt like they don’t belong here else who would dare to do such cheap activities?” In a moment, we came across Makhkhan Street, I was walking straight ahead with my thoughts and suddenly she said “Ashish, here!"  My mind was distracted then. She was right in front of one shop at Makhkhan Street. I asked, "What do you need?" She replied, "A hairband and a clip." She added, "You can also look some for your girlfriend" I didn’t say anything and then putting on a hairband, she asked, "What do I look like?"  I was a little angry by her earlier statement and I said “Why do you ask me? Ask it to your boyfriend only.” She then said, “Stop joking and please tell me how I look?" She had loose silky hair, a beautiful face, and a well-groomed body.  She would look beautiful at anything she would wear. Band on her looked very beautiful, and I said, "Looks as good as you." She smiled and paid the shopkeeper and said that she bought it just because I liked it.  It was already half-past two when she looked at her watch and said, "Let’s return home now." Even though I wanted to sit and talk in Basantapur for a while, I said, "Okay, let’s go home now."  As we were heading toward the bus station, she went to a nearby shop saying, "Let’s buy some Pustakari." 

 

She bought half a kilo of it and put them in her bag.  I wanted to talk to her a lot, but I didn't get anything to say in front of her. In my mind I wished that journey would never end but there was no one to listen to my mind.  We reached in front of the Kathmandu Mall, waited for a while, and got into a Hiace bus which would go to Sinamangal. Although not really a Hiace bus, it had the same texture.  We had sit in the last seats since our destination was almost far than others. Once, the vehicle was filled, copartner of driver beckoned him and he started the vehicle. There were many people on the bus and it was very uncomfortable to sit. We got off at New Baneshwor and entered the restaurant inside the former K&K College. Hunger had already crossed its limit. She ordered two plates of Momo and sausage. After getting to spend time with her, my hunger was almost gone. “Your order “Momo” arrived” said by a waiter. To be honest I was angry as it arrived sooner, but I couldn't speak or say anything about it. Drishti started eating saying, "I am going to eat, I am very hungry" and I too started eating. Momo; it was very hot, she could not bear the heat of it and shed tears. No matter how much I was deceived, I wiped her tears with my own hand.  After a while, I regained consciousness and said, "Sorry Drishti for my earlier reaction." She said, "Why? I'm not embarrassed." I felt cool in my heart after she said that.  After lunch we left.  I asked her, "Are you going in a Tampo now?"  "If you're not in a hurry, walk with me then" she said. For me it was like “Kkhojchhaskaano, aakho”. It is popular Nepali proverb.  Many things were playing in my mind, flying like as if no one could stop them except Drishti. However, when I got the chance to walk with her, I didn't want to get involved in all these inner stuffs and accompanied her across the White House campus and went to Sinamangal with her. A lot of things were said on the way, some of which I remember, some of which I forgot because of her company. After walking for about 20 minutes, we reached near the house where she lived.  "I'm going now, thank you for walking with me," she said as she walked home. "Won’t you help me now to walk me to my home?" I said. She replied with, “This is not the time. Anyway, you are male. You don’t even need to fear anything. Just go safely and call me when you reach. We will chat in the evening. Bye.” I stared at her until my eyes could see her, and when she reached the turning point, she went by.  I also returned home.  I was a little embarrassed to talk on the phone so I texted "I'm here, come online early in the evening" and waited for her in the world of technology.

 “To be continued…”

Looking for answer (Part 1)

Looking for answer

Part 1

[Note: Please be noted that, this is just the English version of the post that I wrote in my mother tongue. Please click here to read in Nepali language. And yes a huge thanks to Mr. Prashant Ghimire for transalting.]

The next evening, after posting Lumbini Diaries, my phone rang. I didn't pay much attention to my phone as I was eating and left my phone to be charged. Lately, I didn't get any phone calls from anyone so important. The phone rang one call, two calls, and three calls. I was amazed as to whose phone was ringing and I was scared. Frightened, I picked up the phone, the number was new, and a voice came from there, "Hello brother, how are you?" Somehow that voice sounded familiar but ah I couldn't figure it out and replied "Hello, Namaste. Who am I speaking to?”

From there, I finally recognized Ashish, but my curiosity was not over yet. I was even more surprised than curious, because he called me almost 3 years later although he and I had been living in the same house in Kathmandu for two years.Our contact was getting weaker after I left Kathmandu. At the same time, I asked "How is my daughter in law?"He said in a sweet voice, "Hmm brother, I don’t know what to say...Neither I knew nor did she. Where did the wind come from and where did we leave forever?" I could feel nothing but pain and separation in his voice. Again he said, "Brother, can we talk for a while?" And in response, I put the phone down saying let's talk online after a while. After an interval of about half an hour, I opened the messenger, while Ashish had already texted. He had texted saying “brother, yesterday, I had read yours’ “Lumbini Diaries.” I didn't know that you could write like that.” I sent a text with a tongue biting emo to explain if it didn't look good. From there he said, "After reading your post it reminded me of my girlfriend and I also started writing, but I couldn't do or write anything."

Then, he wanted to make a request which would not put me in a difficult situation.Before I could answer, "You have to write a love story of me and my girlfriend" he texted. In reply, I said, “brother, thank you very much for thinking me of such potential but don’t let your love story fade away by giving me that work. No brother, I know you can. He would reply to my every responses in such a way that I could not answer. And in the end he persuaded me to write, but in my mind there was a complete fear; how to write, what to write.However, I started asking him about relative questions and he kept answering. He started his story:

Thus, that day was my first day in college.

After finishing 12th class, I entered the capital for higher education. Even though festivals had come to an end, in my mind, the joy of festivals was not over. I clearly remember, on the 14th Ashoj, I entered the MinBhawan in that cold weather with a sticky bag.On the first day of college, there were no friends, sitting on the last bench, I was feeling a little lonely. Other students continued to arrive. Some would look at others and smile, meanwhile, others would introduce themselves and shake hands. I, a person who has never left home, was tormented by loneliness.Anyway, I didn't let myself down without explaining myself first about my objectives to be in the capital. On the first day, there was only an introductory program in the college. From the second day onwards, the study gradually gained momentum. My daily routine was limited to college in the morning and sitting on the roof in the afternoon. As days passed by, I got more and more friends. My first semester ended between my study and travels. I wasn't really friendly with girls because I was afraid to talk and shy to communicate. But whenever I used to see her, my heart used to be filled full with joy. I was happy to see her and it seemed meaningful to live, but I couldn't express my thoughts to her. And at the time, the technology wasn't that simple and convenient as well.I used to use MIG application at the time but she hadn’t, so there was no way to communicate. Since we could not talk much, I couldn't even get to ask for a mobile number. As time passed, we got closer, sometimes under the pretext of notes, sometimes in the name of assignments given by teachers. Since, there would be a lot of group work in our studies, the teachers had formed a group of 5-5 people. Yes, the same group was a special excuse for us to get close. Coincidentally, we were both in the same group. It was because of the group discussion that I was able to talk to her and we got very close under this pretext. Maybe it was in the middle of the second semester, I had to go to a company and do a survey. Our group chose Unilever in Kamaldi. The boys who had just arrived in Kathmandu were more focused on traveling than studying, so instead of going to the field, some of them persuaded me to finish the assignment. And when I told Drishti about everything, she replied that she would go without any hesitation. This easy acceptance of her was a courage for me and we decided to go next Tuesday. The day of my anxious wait, Tuesday, arrived, we had decided to meet at Old Baneshwor at exactly 11 o'clock. I took a bath in the morning, sprinkle the perfume, ate food and made myself ready. At that time, I was excited more than anything. I was enjoying more than I could while flying kites in Dashain. In particular, I had to meet Drishti and open up my mind and feelings for her rather than a college assignment. Time gave me the same opportunity. When I reached the Constituent Assembly Hall after crossing the zebra crossing in Baneshwor, I waited for a while, but the traffic in Kathmandu was not that easy. No vehicles had a space so I decided to walk. As I was walking across Rameshwar Sweet Shop, White House College and Ratnarajya School, many waves were hitting my mind till I reached Venice Hospital. Looking at every couple I saw on the road, I kept thinking that one day I will walk with my Drishti like this. I was so engrossed in my imagination that I stumbled upon a man from another direction. The man kept saying, "Don't you have eyes?" I went on my own way, the anger of his abuse was conquered by the world of my imagination. I kept moving and then I came across Apex College and a little further, there were many other shops on the way, all of them are now forgotten though. As long as I was walking that path, I could care less about the time. As I was walking towards Old Baneshwor, I looked at the clock, it seemed that the clock had reached far beyond my imagination. When I reached the Chowk, I was already late by 10 minutes. I said "I'm sorry. No vehicles had a space." She said, "Okay, let's go." We got on the same small blue micro bus and moved towards our destination. She didn’t look less than a model in the blue Kurta she wore and the hair she left behind. But I wanted to make her the queen of my life, rather than a model. I was inspired by the word "Pagal (mad)" which she used to say when I first met her. The crowd at the micro was so large, I just sat there. Micro bus went past Maitidevi's police headquarter and reached Putalisadak where it turned right and moved toward "Ghantaghar.” At that moment, we had already arrived at Ganesthan, Kamaladi and I closed my eyes and prayed to God. She said, "So you are very religious huh." I was trying to convince her that I had just prayed to God, but she threw a punchline saying "Anyway, was it necessary to close eyes while praying?" I replied with "I wanted my prayers come true." Now I had thought that she would not ask any more questions, but she asked again, "What did you ask for with God?" In other words, I wanted to ask for you to be mine, thankfully it was just in my mind and I asked for good marks in the exam, I said. Engaged in conversation, we reached Trichandra College. We hurried down to stop the micro. After that, she said sarcastically, "What's the matter with you; you even forgot about your destination as well after getting to talk with a girl?" Although, I never wanted that moment to come to an end, I said to myself. I thought she would stay with me like this for the rest of my life and she would wake me up in the morning with a cup of tea and tell me that it is already morning. One way, my mind said, "Stop dreaming you fool" meanwhile another way, my mind said,” you should dream on." On the way we came through, we reached the head office of Himalayan Bank then Heritage Plaza and finally the office of Unilever. When we reached there, we told about our objectives and purpose of visit to the gate keeper. Then, he introduced us to one of the officers working in Unilever. After presenting our greetings, and a short conversation, we asked the questions we had prepared for our survey and said goodbye with a thank you. The clock was ticking. On the way out, I asked Drishti if she would go home then. I thought to myself that she shouldn't say yes because I was happy and enjoying to be with her. I had such an awesome experience for the first time in my life. I wanted to say the same thing with all my heart and make her my own forever, but I could not open my heart which was full of fear.Honestly, I didn't want to leave. Whether she listened to my heart or she was also feeling like me or she really had a work to do, she told us to go through Makhkhan Street. I felt like I had won the war on the inside. We walked across Trichandra College, then to the police headquarters, walked over Jamal's bridge and headed towards Makkhan Street.

Saying this, Ashish's messenger showed "Active 15 minutes ago".The clock was ticking and it was already 11 o'clock, I waited for him for a while but again he didn't come online and I also tried to sleep and posted it without his permission to surprise him.

 “To be continued…”
© KeshavGyawali